I don’t usually write about my walk with Jesus on this blog.  I think it’s because I’ve been feeling lukewarm for quite a while now.  But just recently, in addition to feeling lukewarm and inadequate as a verbal follower of Jesus, I’ve been feeling fear.  Fear of my lukewarmness from Revelations 3:16.  Fear of not being ready for a King whose coming back for a spotless bride.  Fear because I have many many spots.  And fear of current events going on in the world which undoubtedly bring us closer to Jesus’ Second Coming — whether we want to believe it or not.  If you are familiar with scripture, you can already see world events aligning with end-time prophecy.

The reason I fear is because I know I’m not ready.  I know if He came last night, I would still be here.

Last night I couldn’t sleep.  Neither could Greg.  I lay in bed as he slipped quietly to the floor and went on his knees.  I asked him, “What’s wrong?”  He said, “I need to find my rest in Him.”  Once he was done praying, he came back to bed and went to sleep.  I was still awake and totally not at peace with the secret state of my heart.  So I quietly got out of bed and went over to the couch, put my headphones on, and listened to a song we sang in church the day before, called “Offering.”  It had been playing in my head since Sunday.

The sun cannot compare to the glory of Your love
There is no shadow in Your Presence
No mortal man would dare to stand before Your throne
Before the Holy One of heaven
It’s only by Your Blood and it’s only through you mercy
Lord I come

I bring an offering of worship to my King
No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing
Jesus may You receive the honor that You’re due
O Lord I bring an offering to You
I bring an offering to You

The baby started crying during this quiet time I was having.  I picked her up and brought her back to the couch.  She stopped crying and quickly went back to sleep.  For several moments I just sat there and watched her as she slept in my arms.  It brought a smile to my face to just watch her.  In those moments I felt God tell me, “This is how I watch you.  This is how much I love you.”  Tears literally rolled down my face, because I know how much I love my daughter; similarly, what made me emotional was knowing that the Holy One of Heaven loves me and watches me, His creation, with great delight — as a father looks over his dear child.  He’s not too busy.  He doesn’t have other things to do.  He’s satisfied just watching me and loving me.  But it’s not a father’s earthly love, but a love so far exceeding than what I know.

I felt my lukewarmness begin to dissipate.

I was reminded of what I read that morning in Exodus 34:6-7, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.  Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.”

His desire is to be compassionate and gracious towards us.  But, He cannot stand lukewarmness [Rev 3:16].  He cannot stand for people who love the things of this world and love Him.  He wants us to choose.  He wants us to choose, because it’s His greatest desire to have our entire heart.  It’s His desire that we go with Him when He comes.  To spend eternity with Him.  I can’t fathom eternity, but it doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Isaiah 30:18, “Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you for the LORD is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him.”

I’m writing all this to say that lukewarmness does not have to be a constant thing even if it feels like it’s going to be.  We’re lukewarm because we choose other things over Him.  Only we know in our own hearts the things that keep us from Him.  I think the reason we become lukewarm is because we lose sight of God in our lives.  We know He’s there, but we lose sight of the fact that we desperately need Him everyday — every hour.  Without Him, there is no future.  The wonderful thing is that He’s always there, trying to get our attention.  He’s always there, watching over us.  He’s there always hoping we’ll regain sight of Him.  But time is running out.  He will only be there for so long.  What will we choose?